24 June 2008
please direct all inquiries there
23 June 2008
i want golden eye 64 and four controllers
does anyone want to sell me that
tell me how much money
21 June 2008
the name of this band is the talking heads / the agriculture reader
85 e 4 st (at 2nd)
thursday june 26
anthony mccann / jeremy schmall / justin taylor / mark doten
bring a lot of money
20 June 2008
16 June 2008
and maybe take painkillers, but since they're hard to get probably just drink gin
and listen to early spiritualized, or something
and be really quiet
sometimes i'll say things like 'hi'
and you'll say 'hi'
quietly and nervously sort of
like a mouse
15 June 2008
i blogged here
philadelphia fucking sucks
13 June 2008
10 June 2008
i'm going to start making it better maybe
i think i'm going to make a new blog with just videos of me drinking
so this blog will be literary again
09 June 2008
04 June 2008
02 June 2008
i'm buying two pairs of pants from american apparel and thai food and maybe beer
25 May 2008
i've been listening to the album 'so much for the afterglow' by everclear a lot
i don't know if i like obama or hilary more
i don't know what i want to eat today
21 May 2008
20 May 2008
16 May 2008
listening to the rolling stones and thinking about how they looked in the 1960s and 1970s makes me feel really happy
are there any books about the rolling stones that i would enjoy reading?
i am going to write a poem about the rolling stones soon
i am going to submit it to something
i am going to start submitting to things
the rolling stones
14 May 2008
12 May 2008
11 May 2008
i have decided to change the format
only submit whole books of poetry (25-30 poems)
you don't need to spend a lot of time on them
but they have to be really good
i think like an hour and a half to two hours writing them and one half hour to one hour editing them should be enough
i will pay you $75 upon publication if i accept your book
issue 2 is available
paypal $5 to [email protected] and i'll send you issue 2
10 May 2008
07 May 2008
'the name of this band is the talking heads' volume 1 issue 3 is going to feature poetry exclusively by tao lin, and will be 'officially' out may 30
submissions for 'the name of this band is the talking heads' volume 1 issue 4 will be considered until midnight, june 7, and will be 'officially' out june 13.
06 May 2008
04 May 2008
03 May 2008
30 April 2008
26 April 2008
if you have a blog, or are just interested in learning more about me, and would like to interview me, email me
i like being interviewed
daryl the blacksmith interviewed me
my recollection of this interview is hazy at best
23 April 2008
21 April 2008
20 April 2008
19 April 2008
18 April 2008
17 April 2008
16 April 2008
i read that on wikipedia sort of
when i first heard this song i said out loud 'this is lil' wayne's worst song ever'
i like it now though
he uses a vocoder a lot in this song
i like the beat
he says 'that pussy in my mouth had me lost for words'
lil' wayne has said in several songs that he likes performing oral sex on women
lil' wayne has said in several songs that he does not like it when women put a finger in his ass during sex
i thought i had more to say on this topic
i like lil' wayne
every time a police officer gets shot i throw a party calls it 'better than girl talk'
people have been doing things that i like
tao lin talked about it
14 April 2008
13 April 2008
Paul says “Okay. Goodnight.”
Robert says “Goodnight.” Paul walks away. Robert calls Emily.
Emily says “Hello?”
Robert says “Hi Emily.”
Emily says “Hi, how are you?”
Robert says “You know, I’m okay, you know.”
Emily says “Yeah.” Robert thinks “Emily sounds distracted.”
Robert says “What are you, um, what are you doing?”
Emily says “Pretending to do homework.” Robert thinks “I don’t want to have this conversation. Robert says “Yeah. Do you have much homework?”
Emily says “I have a paper due Friday.”
Robert says “What class?”
Emily says “It’s for dance, I just have to write a paper about some random person, but I haven’t decided who yet, so that’s what I’m doing.”
Robert says “Okay. Alright.”
Emily says “You’re crazy.”
Robert says “Alright then.” Robert says “I don’t know do you want to hang out?”
Emily says “Probably not tonight, but I’m not doing anything tomorrow. Do you want me to give you a call tomorrow?”
Robert says “Sure, yeah. Cool.”
Emily says “Okay, have a good night.”
Robert says “Goodnight.” He goes to Borders. The album Challengers by the New Pornographers is playing in Borders. Robert goes up an escalator. He feels sad. He looks at a book about the Great Wall of China. Robert thinks “Can I talk to one of the girls that work here about the New Pornographers? Probably not, right? You don’t talk to people at their jobs.” Robret feels sad. He is near the escalator. He thinks “I’m going to talk to that girl that works here. I’m just going to say something, because I have to talk to someone.” A Mexican man is standing behind Robert. Robert thinks “I need to go down the escalator.” Robert goes down the escalator. Robert leaves Borders. Robert feels sad. He goes to a grocery store. He looks at a large bag of organic corn chips. It costs three dollars and forty nine cents. He leaves the grocery store. He goes into another grocery store. He looks at a small bag of organic pretzels. It costs one dollar and ninety nine cents. He leaves the grocery store. He looks in the window of a guitar store. He goes to WholeFoods. He looks at a small bag of organic vegetable chips. It costs seventy nine cents. He buys a five pound bag of organic russet potatoes. It costs three dollars and ninety nine cents. He sees Dan riding a bike. He says “Hey Dan.”
Dan says “Hey Robert. What’s up man?”
Robert says “I don’t know. What are you doing?”
Dan says “Just going to the beer store.”
Robert says “Oh yeah? You’re drinking beer tonight?” Dan smiles. Robert smiles.
Dan says “I drink beer every night, so yeah.”
Robert says “I was just going to head over to your house and see if you guys were drinking beer.”
Dan says “I could uh pick something up for you, though I’m already picking up… well, yeah I guess I probably could.”
Robert says “That would be great.” Robert takes a five dollar bill from his pocket. “Could you get me a forty of O.E.?”
Dan says “Sure. Yeah alright. I’ll just see you over there then.”
Robert says “Thanks man.” Robert walks to Dan’s house. Robert goes inside. Robert sees Amelia and Jerry and Mary. Robert thinks “They are all surprised and happy to see me. Earlier, Dan was surprised and happy to see me.” Robert talks to people. Robert feels happy. Dan comes back with the beer.
Dan says “Robert I’m sorry man, no forties of OE, I gotcha two twenty four ounce cans.”
Robert says “That’s good. Thank you.” Robert puts one can of malt liquor in the refrigerator and opens the other one. Robert drinks malt liquor. Robert and Amelia make french fries together. Robert feels happy. Everyone goes outside. Everyone smokes cigarettes. Robert and Dan ride bikes to the pretzel factory and the beer store. They get pretzels and beer. They go back to Dan’s house. Everyone is in Amelia’s bedroom. Robert opens his second can of malt liquor. Robert drinks malt liquor. Robert makes faces at Amelia. Amelia makes faces at Robert. Robert thinks “I have no idea how Amelia feels about me.” Robert wakes up on Amelia’s bedroom floor. There is mustard on Robert’s pants. There is a little mustard on Robert’s left shoe. Robert stands up. He thinks “I feel okay.” He looks at his cell phone. It is 6:15 AM. Robert goes downstairs. He washes his hands and face. He looks at the mustard on his clothes. He thinks “Whatever.” He goes to the front door. He unlocks it. He opens it. He goes outside. He tries to lock it. He closes it. It isn’t locked. Robert looks at the door. He thinks “Fuck.” Robert walks away. Amelia opens the door. She looks at Robert. Robert looks at the mustard on his clothes. He looks at Amelia.
Amelia says “Oh, bye.”
Robert says “Bye.” He thinks “I feel like I’m wearing headphones, or something.” He walks to his house. He feels happy. He thinks “I like to see people walking in the morning. I am thirsty.” Robert goes inside his house.
Jim says “Hey Rob. Just get back from partying?”
Robert says “I just woke up on Alison’s bedroom floor.”
John says, “Oh; you were over there?”
Robert says “Yeah.” Robert pours a glass of water. He drinks the water. He feels better. He pours another glass of water. He drinks it. He puts the glass in the sink. He says “I’m going to bed.” He walks to his bedroom. He takes his clothes off. He gets in bed. He uses his Mac remote to put on the album The Ramones by The Ramones. He picks up the book Then We Came To The End by Joshua Ferris. He reads the first twenty pages. He thinks “Should I go back to sleep?” He walks to his computer. He goes on Facebook. He changes his status to “Robert is I just woke up and I’m not sure whether or not I should go back to sleep. PS: I’m drunk.” Robert walks to the bathroom. He washes his face and hands. Robert walks to his bedroom. He gets in his bed. Robert falls sleep.
12 April 2008
11 April 2008
10 April 2008
it's called 'wolf's teeth'
it's an excerpt from my novel
the phrase 'wolf's teeth' comes from the song 'heartbeats' by the knife
'cool thing' is coming out november 2008 on running press
it was edited by blair mastbaum
there is a blog about the book
it makes me feel good and also sad or lonely or something
i have listened to it ten times today i think
i don't like the song right after it on the album
when the next song comes on i feel upset
then i press the back button on my ipod twice
and i feel happy
does anyone with a print magazine – even a dumb one – want a poem i wrote called 'the nike swoosh is beautiful'? i want to be in a print magazine
09 April 2008
i was in central park
i saw a black man who was wearing a blue and yellow striped rugby shirt
he was wearing a black jacket over his blue and yellow striped rugby shirt, but it was open
i looked at him
i said 'we're wearing the same shirt, kind of'
i looked at the sky
the black man looked at me
he looked at his shirt
the black man said 'yep, just about'
the black man looked at me
i looked at the black man
lil' wayne is the best rapper alive
i started to walk away
the black man said 'have a good one'
i stopped walking
i looked at the black man
i said 'you too'
07 April 2008
i listened to it two more times since then
i like it
it is called 'return to the 36 chambers - the dirty version'
i think the album has qualities that people who write for magazines would call 'raw'
the ol' dirty bastard sounds 'confused' and 'angry'
in the song 'raw hide,' the ol' dirty bastard says 'i wanna see blood / whether it's period blood / or bustin' your fuckin' face / some blood!'
i like it when the ol' dirty bastard says that
the ol' dirty bastard says other things that i like
i had stopped caring about the wu tang clan by the time the ol' dirty bastard died
02 April 2008
i think something smells weird in my apartment or something
i hear weird sounds all the time
i think this might be it
if you know what i mean
Rachel says “Hello.” No one says anything for a little while. Robert hears voices in the background. Rachel says “Sorry I was speaking so quietly this morning; Mike was asleep and I didn’t want to wake him up.”
Robert says “That’s okay; that’s what I thought.”
Rachel says “What?”
Robert says “That’s okay,” a little louder this time. No one says anything for a little while.
Rachel says “Do you feel depressed?”
Robert says “Yes.”
Rachel says “About Mike?”
Robert says “I don’t know.”
Rachel says “About drugs?”
Robert says “About you, sort of.”
Rachel says “Oh.” No one says anything for a little while. Rachel says “Do you know anyone who has a bike you could borrow?” No one says anything for a little while. Rachel says “Are you there?”
Robert says “No, I can’t think of anyone.”
Rachel says “Oh. I’m going on a bike ride tonight and I wanted to know if you wanted to go.”
Robert says “Oh. Thank you.” No one says anything for a little while.
Rachel says “I’m sorry I’ve been such a bad friend to you.”
Robert says “That’s okay.” He is crying quietly.
Rachel says “I always told you I was a shitty person. Richard tried to do the same thing, tried to get me to be better, but it just ended up ruining our relationship.” No one says anything for a little while.
Robert says “I’m sorry that you think you’re a shitty person and that you let that influence your choices.”
Rachel says “What?” She says “You’re sorry that I think I’m a shitty person and what?”
Robert says “I’m just sorry that you think that.” No one says anything for a little while.
Rachel says “I guess I’m getting better. I’m not addicted to heroin anymore, and I’m exercising a lot more.”
Robert says “Good.” No one says anything for a little while. Robert hears voices in the background.
Rachel says “I’m sorry I don’t know how to make you feel better.”
Robert says “No that’s okay.”
Rachel says “What?” Robert takes his cell phone away from his ear. He presses the red button on his cell phone. Robert connects his cell phone to his cell phone charger. He plays the song “William It Was Really Nothing” by The Smiths.
01 April 2008
Lydia says “Robert. Ugh.”
Robert says “Are you alright?
Lydia says “No. Ugh. I don’t know.” Robert feels sad.
Robert says “What? What’s going on?”
Lydia says “Ugh. Tony’s… ugh.” Lydia is crying. “Ugh. I don’t know; it’s a long story. I just wanted to hear your voice.” Robert feels sad. Lydia says “Yeah. Yeah, no that’s all. I’m drunk, I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just think about you. I don’t know. Like I know you’re the only positive thing in my life.” Robert is crying. Lydia says “What?”
31 March 2008
25 March 2008
2. paper planes by m.i.a.; 77
3. temptation by new order; 76
4. fight test by the flaming lips; 61
5. tears dry on their own by amy winehouse, 58
6. gold soundz by pavement; 56
7. entering white cecilia by the new pornographers; 54
8. wild horses by the rolling stones; 52
9. my rights versus yours by the new pornographers; 50
10. bennie and the jets by elton john; 48
12 March 2008
11 March 2008
She has blond hair,
a coat by Moschino Jeans.
08 March 2008
06 March 2008
Jordan says “Robert, this is Sloan; Sloan, Robert.”
Robert says “How do you do” and puts out his hand. Robert and Sloan shake hands. Robert and Jordan go into Alice’s apartment. There is a small dog. Robert sits on a chair. Jordan sits on the floor. Robert sees Tom. Robert says “Hi Tom.”
Tom says “Hi Robert.” Tom is eating edameme.
Robert sees a girl. Robert says “Who are you?”
The girl says “Margot.” Robert notices that the girl does not ask him his name. They open the bottle of wine. They are watching The Ice Storm. Robert says “We should watch Garden State.” Tom agrees. Robert says it’s his birthday. Sloan doesn’t want to watch Garden State. Robert asks Margot what her favorite band is. She doesn’t have one. Robert thinks “Her favorite band should be Stereolab. She is skinny and likes ecstasy and Marx, probably.” Margot asks Robert what his favorite band is. It is Pavement. They watch Garden State.
Sloan says “So what do you do?”
Robert says “I’m an actor, mostly. Like that is my passion.”
Sloan says “Really?”
Jordan says “No it isn’t.” Robert feels mad at Jordan. Robert thinks “Jordan is a fucking snitch.” They talk for a little while longer. Robert finishes his third glass of wine and says that he has to go. He leaves. He buys kombucha and seaweed and gets on a bus. Robert goes home. Robert feels okay.
27 February 2008
tomorrow i am putting things in new york city
26 February 2008
he is really good at a lot of tasks
here is the address: http://travisgaston.blogspot.com
24 February 2008
it's a room
the walls are white
the walls are dirty
a lit slut and i jumped on the bed for eighteen seconds and then the bed broke
there is roof access
21 February 2008
i hope i 'go-away'
i tried to upload pictures of me wearing my onesie but my internet sucks
19 February 2008
18 February 2008
you took a nap and i played tetris
we walked to the subway together
you asked me whose train would come first and i said mine, and i acted confident
your train came first and i stood by myself on the subway platform
i felt sad
later i had fun with my friends in new york city
i ate good food and didn't have to lie
later i went home
i wish you and i were close at all
17 February 2008
15 February 2008
09 February 2008
NOTE: Eat When You Feel Sad is both the name of my bear parade book and the novel I am currently working on. When posts on this blog are called from "Eat When You Feel Sad" they are rough drafts of things for my novel, and are probably not in the bear parade book.
03 February 2008
30 January 2008
25 January 2008
22 January 2008
20 January 2008
Robert chews for five seconds and then swallows some falafel and then says “I agree with you.” Robert says “I don’t chew enough. People that are into macribiotics are all about chewing. I would suck at macrobiotics.”
Tom says “Yeah you would.” Robert feels sad.
The waitress says “Is everything alright?”
Tom says “Yeah it’s great.” Robert chews more. Robert drinks mint tea. Tom says “I love mint tea.” Robert thinks “I should start doing sit-ups. Everyday. Fifty sit-ups. Right when I wake up. And before bed.” Robert thinks “I have a gut.” Robert feels really sad. He feels cold even though it is warm in the restaurant. Robert thinks about temperature and how everything is relative. Robert thinks about moral relevatism.
Robert says “A cool t-shirt would be white and would have a like really grainy, like newspaper or something black and white picture of Adolf Hitler, and then like, above the picture it would say ‘Hitler’ and below it it would say ‘Rules.’ Like in the same font as on Suicidal Tendencies records. Or else with like a three instead of an e and stuff.” Robert feels surprised that he was able to say so many words in a row. Robert thinks “I like Tom.”
Tom says “That would be a really good idea for a t-shirt. You should make that t-shirt.” Robert thinks about how fun it would be to live in a warehouse. Robert feels sad.
Robert says “It wouldn’t be like for everyday use, it would just be for like a photograph or something, I think.” Robert thinks “I’m not sure.” Robert regrets what he just said. He thinks there might be something wrong with him, physically. Robert wants to sing something by The Mothers of Invention but can’t remember any of their songs.
15 January 2008
i’ll remember what it’s like to be in a room full of people i’ll never be close to and i’ll say hi
there will be music and pot
i’ll make jokes to the people sitting near me and one will smile and another will make new jokes, jokes that will make my jokes seem like non-jokes
on the couch across the room, someone i’ve never seen before will have his arm around you, and you’ll be looking at the ceiling and smiling
soon the beer will be gone and soon so will we
on the walk home i’ll wish i could disappear
that someone in a white van would abduct me
and molest me forever
14 January 2008
one is my ex-girlfriend
one is someone whose gender i am unclear about
one is a friend of a friend, mostly
one is someone i don’t know, he is a cool guy though, i have seen him three times
one was my best friend for a while in high school
one is someone who told me i was full of shit, and i said i know and it is just a joke, and she said yeah, and that’s why you’re full of shit
two are the same person
three are my parents
one is someone who i think i wrote poems about having a crush on over a year ago and i feel totally distanced from feeling that way, but when i see him i feel good and okay, i have fun when i see him and feel like he is my peer, i feel depressed and numb sort of right now
one is also a friend of a friend, sort of, i could delete her from my phone
one is a kid who we wrote weird things about on the bathroom wall in high school, we all did
one is a girl i went from highschol with, and when me and my ex-girlfriend walk by a certain street in lower manhattan it will remind me of being stupid and remind her of hating me or something
one lent me the first season of the x-files on dvd
one didn’t answer my calls for months and years but does now, and whenever i see him i tell him how glad i am that we’re friends, and he says yeah
one is a girl i work with who sewed my pants onetime when there was a hole in the pocket, and the hole came back right away, but she is nice
one is my roommate
one got arrested for “car-shopping” is i think what they call it, when they just like steal shit out of parked cars
one is a boy i was friends with in high school, i pretend to like his sister and also did like his sister, i still think she is a cute girl, but i’m not sure about anything, now
one i had a crush on and still have a crush on
one i’ve never called and can’t imagine when i will, huh
one i met once and then again a few months later but i felt tired and nervous about other things both times
one i told once that i was just staying friends with him because we were going to see yo la tengo together and i didn’t want that to be awkward, i think is how it went
one is only a first name in my phone, but i feel distanced enough from her that i think a last name is due
one is a girl i’ve slept on the same bed with the last few times i’ve slept on the same bed with a girl, but i’m not sure if we like each other, she’s nice though and good
one i’ve got to delete! though she texted me on new years, and everybody else too probably
one i feel embarrassed and stupidly proud at the same time when i’m seen with him
one i feel so sad when i see her name
one i talk so much shit about, i don’t know what’s going to happen
one is my friend’s brother
one came to my parents’ house and played scrabble and didn’t want orange juice or apple cider
one is in what, atlanta right now? i called her the other night and she wasn’t in the same city as me and i felt sad
one is a good guy, a good kid, i feel sad right now too
one i used to work with and is a really good guy
one didn’t hang out with me recently because he had already made plans, but i felt like it was an insult anyway
one is i don’t know why i have her number in my phone either
one is under a different name than i thought it would be, i’ll call her now that i remember i have her number, maybe
one and i have to get chinese food again, and lots of times again, we have to don’t we
one is my boss
one is my best friend
one was my best friend in first grade
04 January 2008
i will make significantly more than one half of our decisions
most of our dreams will come true
i will feel disappointment when some do not
you will hate me right away
i will say something once and then never again
i will use only body language that i know you will never pick up on
it will never feel quite right for my head to be resting on your shoulder, and i will die not knowing what you do with your time alone
31 December 2007
24 December 2007
Sometimes I will flush the toilet before I am finished peeing so that by the time I am finished peeing the toilet will already be flushing and it will be a really smooth transition.
Sometimes it works perfectly and is so beautiful.
Sometimes the flush takes less time than I anticipate, and I pee for a few seconds after the toilet has already been flushed.
23 December 2007
Is everyone feeling happy?
I am going now. I am going to Alaska. I am going to Cleveland, Ohio. I am going to Dayton, Ohio. I am going to Elbows, Mashed Potatos. My car is a hernia. I am in constant need of scrotum care. My scrotum and also my ears need to be waxed.
18 December 2007
four are girls i’ve kissed
five are people i work with
one is someone i like to see sometimes but would not confide in, or something
two are people that seem to like me, but i really want them to like me a lot
three are my parents
four are people i used to live with in a big stupid house a couple blocks from where i am sitting right now
four are people i went to high school with
one is my roommate
one is someone i had a crush on before, but now really just want to be not-very-close-friends with
one is someone who gave me her number on facebook
one is someone i might go to a movie with tomorrow as friends
one is someone who gave me her number the other night but i’m not sure if it was because i asked for it or if it was because she wanted to
i think i should just try to be not-very-close-friends with this person, i think that could be good
one is someone who told me that i don’t really know anything about the world
one is someone who left town for a month or two and i saw him couple days ago and i was really happy to see him, he’s back
one is someone i like and who likes me and i hope we become friends
11 December 2007
10 December 2007
Me: Ken, do you have a favorite Rolling Stones song? I have one. I bet yours is different from mine.
Ken: I like the song Angie, although I feel kind of corny when listening to it. Maybe Sympathy For The Devil. I would say Sympathy For The Devil, I guess.
Me: Mine is Wild Horses. Do you or have you ever had a favorite brand of cigarettes or other tobacco product and why?
Ken: I do not smoke cigarettes, but I will smoke a cigar once a month, maybe. I never liked cigarettes. I didn't feel very different after smoking a cigarette. I did not feel more calm. Also, my father also is addicted to smoking and I think addiction is bad. I don't want to become addicted so I do not smoke and pay money to "Big Tobacco".
Me: Describe one favorite article of clothing.
Ken: I own a t-shirt that was I had to ask for on a commercial shoot for IHOP. I told the wardrobe girl that I would propose to her if she gave me the shirt and she did and I did. She said no. It is a blue t-shirt, dark blue. Kind of fucked looking. It has a pocket on the left breast, and the pocket forms a little point at the bottom. When I wear the shirt I feel like I should act on instinct and talk like Neal Cassady.
Me: If there is a window that you can look out while lying in bed, describe the view. If not, tell me about your girlfriend.-
Ken: I feel like that is maybe the best interview question I've ever read. Okay. I cannot look out my window in bed, only from my desk. My girlfriend is charming and honest. She laughs when I make jokes. She is incredibly attractive, but I know that is relative to me. I think she is very attractive, that is better. She thinks I'm charming. She is an artist. Sometimes we have conversations with each other silently, and then we will speak and be talking about the same subject. It scares me. I love her very much.
Me: Reading that made me feel happy. I think I am happy for you. This will be the last question. Do you feel happier now than you did on September 10th, 2001?
Ken: If I was Fox News the answer would always be no. But, I say yes and I mean it.
one week till my birthday
i feel confused and okay
i'm not sure what i want to do
07 December 2007
i feel worried about my personal habits
my birthday is monday december 17th
i don't know what i do for fun anymore
there were a lot more lines of text but i deleted them
05 December 2007
body: Kevin's fingers are in my mouth. Our spines are parallel, a few feet apart. His arm is taut, reaching towards my closed mouth. His fingers are in my closed mouth. He says, "Lets get out of this stupid party." He means, "Lets kill ourselves." A few years ago he told me - first off, we're never going to kill ourselves. A few years ago, he told me about a story he wanted to write regarding a group of college professors, probably in the midwest. Sociologists, historians, philosophers. They said: "Everyone is a slave." To everything, to everything. And they banded together and took to the streets. The first house they came to, the first house they came to shrieking "You are all slaves! You are all slaves!" was filled with young black students, relaxing after a hard week of class, listening to Tupac and hollowing out blunts. Later he'll tell me he doesn't remember this. The beginning of this story never took place. He would never agree to hang out with me until after high school. And by that point he wasn't about to ask me to kill myself with him, to put his fingers in my mouth.
04 December 2007
02 December 2007
she feels okay
she is happy that she is high up
she jumps to the counter and jumps to the floor and runs up the stairs and pushes open my bedroom door and jumps on my bed and stands on the window ledge between the glass and curtain and then jumps off my bed and then jumps on to the chair i am sitting in and scratches my clothes and then jumps off the chair i am sitting in and then leaves my room and lies in the hallway for a little while and then walks downstairs cautiously and then jumps on the counter and then jumps on the refrigerator
every time i type the word refrigerator i put a d in it
i am wearing two sweaters and i feel like i look weird
i think the song “range life” by pavement samples beavis and butthead but i can’t find any documentation of it on the internet
sometimes i say things about people that i don’t want them to ever hear and then worry that the people i am saying them to will know that i must say similar things about them to other people but they never seem to know that
30 November 2007
27 November 2007
25 November 2007
one is my job
one is my ex-girlfriend
one is someone who said she had a huge crush on me but someone told me she is a liar and also i would never go out with this person ever
one is someone i work with
three are my parents
one is someone i really liked when we first met and i don’t like very much now but think is okay
other ones are probably that too, but that is all that that one is
one is someone who said she loves me and does and i feel sad about that
i’m not sure if i would ever go out with this person
i know i shouldn't
one is my roommate
one is someone i told i was in love with and is really nice and attractive
one is someone i used to be friends with and that i saw recently and am not sure how i feel about him
other ones are that too i think
one is someone i thought was in love with me and that made me sad but i don’t think she is anymore maybe, and i’m not sure how that makes me feel
one is someone i don’t really know and whose number i can delete probably
two are my close friends
one is someone i made out with once when i was drunk and i would make out with again i think
i’m not sure actually
one is someone who told me i don’t know much about life
two are people that are just nice, and i like
one is my boss
15 November 2007
14 November 2007
13 November 2007
12 November 2007
twenty-two minute long movie of me reading lorrie moore and eating an organic apple and listening to music
10 November 2007
09 November 2007
01 November 2007
and are able to handle yourself in situations
i think you want a pleasant existence
31 October 2007
27 October 2007
22 October 2007
15 October 2007
11 October 2007
i am a little tired
i think i will feel better when i take my contacts out
i am looking forward to things
06 October 2007
05 October 2007
04 October 2007
02 October 2007
01 October 2007
i have been staying up late recently
i finished magical thinking and i am not sure if i like augusten burroughs
i am reading the divine invasion and am not sure if i like philip k. dick
i should read the fire next time and my uncle's dissertation
29 September 2007
i don't like this one
this one's good
i look good in this one sorry it's sideways
28 September 2007
24 September 2007
i had two doctor's appointments today
one was actually a dentist's appointment
i hung out with people and i played poker
tomorrow i'm going to washington d.c.
i'm still writing a novel
i will put part of it here in the next couple days
i think i've been in a funk or something
i'm reading magical thinking by augusten burroughs and the divine invasion by philip k. dick
like a month ago this guy that comes into the store i work at a lot said something about philip k. dick and i said "are you a dick fan" and he paused and then said "well i like his books." i wasn't trying to be a pervert. that guy is gross anyway
oh and then i lost the divine invasion at the store i work at and i figured it was in the bookshelves and someone would try to buy it so i put up a sign near the bookshelves saying that if anyone found it i would give them a $1 reward and then this cute girl brought it downstairs and i gave her a dollar and was so happy or surprised or something that i didn't think to like talk to a cute girl that likes philip k. dick. because she said she liked philip k. dick
i didn't think i would read books by augusten burroughs but now i'm pretty sure i'll read all of them because, well at least the stories in magical thinking are short and generally leading to one idea which he makes plain in the last paragraph. i like knowing what is going to happen. i don't specifically like his style of writing, but i like the idea of having a map. i'm not sure how much i would actually like his novels though
23 September 2007
i get my emphasis on the d-train
what can't you get
part of ho's china house
inc. philly, main
22 September 2007
16 September 2007
"That makes me feel sad."
She says "What?"
"I know I project that sometimes, but inside I'm really deep."
"Yeah, and that's why you're full of bullshit."
"Okay." He thinks, "She is drunk I guess. I guess this is okay." Robert feels fucked.
A girl comes towards Robert and says "Borges. I thought about it, Borges." Robert isn't sure what to say.
Later he tells someone "I need to puke" hoping the person will direct him to the street. The person directs him to the bathroom and he looks at the tiny sink and tiny toilet and feels fucked – this is futile. He goes back into the party and throws up a lot. The party seems to stop around him. He goes to the bathroom and someone he knows helps him wash his face and hands and rinse his mouth. She walks with him a few blocks and tries to walk him all the way home. He says "I definitely have it, uh, I'm definietly better than you to be walking home alone."
She says, "But you're just so drunk." At home Robert takes all of his clothes off and takes all the shit off of his bed and lies down. It's three AM. He feels happy. He puts on the song Paper Planes by M.I.A. The next day he wakes up at six forty AM and decides to get up at nine AM. He sets two alarms. It's cold. Robert closes his bedroom window. At nine AM, one of his alarms goes off and he gets up. He takes a piss and looks at himself. He puts on the song Paper Planes by M.I.A. He feels sad and weird. He feels like he'll still be pretty efficient at work today.
13 September 2007
I have to pay the gas bill and the electric bill today.
I have one roommate, his name is John.
Three cats live in my house: Shirley, my cat; Zeitgeist, my old roommate Travis's old girlfriend Danielle's cat; and Conrad, John's cat.
I work Friday through Tuesday.
I feel happy some times and sad other times.
In March my lease will be up and I will move to New York City.
I am writing a novel about indecision. It is tentatively called Eat When You Feel Sad.
I have been listening to the album The Albemarle Sound by The Ladybug Transistor today. I like it a lot. It sort of reminds me of the Magnetic Fields.
12 September 2007
tea 2 leaves, shirley
it's 8 it's late
in steady, drive drunk
11 September 2007
i like the rolling stones
do you like them
07 September 2007
i just formatted my 250gb external harddrive by accident and now i don't have anything to do. maybe this is good
my hair gets wet i forget
"how many times are you gonna make me do this
say this i'm sayin though believe me
one time this is gonna
you don't believe me i'm sayin though"
06 September 2007
05 September 2007
04 September 2007
03 September 2007
01 September 2007
so we ridin through
in the exotic coupe
with the divided roof
we on melrose
we like models too
like "how you do
you eat fruit
31 August 2007
30 August 2007
snitches get flowers in the attic
tigers and suck my toes, chronic by the lake
picture an exotic animal caged up like you wouldn't believe
you read my thoughts while i'm stunning while i can't believe you
live in my shit your world is mine i live forever you live for me
28 August 2007
I feel happy.
I found issue 181 of the Paris Review and the remote control to my MacBook under my bed.
24 August 2007
08 August 2007
28 July 2007
i fed danielle's cat too.
last night i started watching alice's restaurant but i can never watch movies anymore.
i read all of tao lin's books.
i love corn.
travis asked who should play todd solondz in our movie and i said ben affleck and he said but what about when he's young and i said ben affleck and he said but what about like when he's really young and i said i don't know i don't know any child actors and he said how about haley joel osment and i said i think he's like twenty and he said about that harry potter kid and i said i don't know.
27 July 2007
i want fire
i saw a fire yesterday
someone said "is that legal" and someone said "you need a permit. it would have passed, but they don't have a permit"
i said "did you ask if they had a permit"
and he said "no"
then he had to go talk
then he had to walk by me to talk more and he said "but i doubt it"
i am at work
it starts soon
i am very aware that i am writing differently than i ever do because i am pressing enter twice after every thought sort of
i want i don't know what i want
25 July 2007
22 July 2007
Travis says "Holy shit dude."
Zac says "I wish he would fall."
"Yeah I would totally run. I would over to the accident and suck its dick."
"You would suck that guy's dick?"
"No I mean... I would suck the accident's dick."
"Yeah." Travis and Zac are walking east on Oregon Avenue. They go past a steak place. "It'd be pretty funny if he fell off his motorcycle and you ran over and sucked his dick. He would be bleeding and unconscious and shit."
"Yeah that would be hilarious." Travis and Zac are both laughing. "Do you know what would be hilarious? If a kid went up to his dad and was like 'I pooped into my pants.'" Travis doesn't laugh at first, then kind of does.
"That stuff is sort of like a Todd Solondz movie."
"Todd Solondz wouldn't do that."
"Maybe he wants to. Maybe we could sell it him."
"Todd Solondz doesn't go far enough."
"Maybe we could call the character Todd Solondz. He says 'I pooped into my pants' and then walks in on his dad giving his business partner head and when Todd Solondz asks his dad why his dad says 'It makes my business partner feel better' and then when Todd Solondz sees the guy in the motorcycle accident he could go suck his dick because he thinks it'll make him feel better."
"Yeah." Travis and Zac come to a fence covered in razor wire.
20 July 2007
19 July 2007
This is not government-issued identification. This information on the other side of this card is deemed accurate for at least one of the following reasons. The cardholder:
1. Showed a valid government issued photo ID with the aforementioned information.
2. Signed a liability waiver.
It was so stupid. I said "nevermind" and got the hell out of there. That's not exactly what the card said, I made that part up from memory. I definitely said "nevermind" though.
I'm carrying a banana peel. A woman is walking a dog and holding a sandwich bag containing a small amount of dog shit. The sidewalk becomes narrow, I stop to let the woman go by. She stops and says "Why don't you put that in here." I make the banana peel compact and put it in the sandwich bag. I say "Thank you." Her expression is one of routine.
I got a facebook.
I'm moving to New York City in March.
16 July 2007
The American College Dictionary
© Copyright, 1959, by Random House, Inc.
I meant for this post to be a discussion for how rappers use the phrase "a nigga" in place of "one," as define above. I was in the public library at Broad and Morris though, and everyone there was black, and I wasn't sitting in a corner, and I was afraid to type the word "nigga." Now I just don't feel like its an interesting topic. Just so you know though. I wrote this last part on July 19th.
07 July 2007
04 July 2007
02 July 2007
In time I'll take away your miseries and make them mine.
Don’t know why he’s calling me and answering my calls and picking me up and paying for my milkshakes, don't know why he's driving me home, why he's watching television with me listening to me talk about my parents and about my friends and about school, smoking pot with me, I don’t know why he’s drinking with me and kissing me. I don’t know why he’s touching my ass and I don’t know why he’s driving me to school, I don’t know why he’s texting me and I don’t know why he’s instant messaging me at three in the morning, why he’s asking me to pick him up, and I don't know why I’m picking him up. I don't know why he’s telling me to go to this place I’ve never been to before, why he’s acting like it hasn’t been months, why he dropped out of school, why he’s telling me to go to this town I’ve never been to before, why he’s telling me that we should be together, and then when I ask him what he means why he’s telling me we need to get home, why he wants to get back to that place, ever, anyway.
01 July 2007
30 June 2007
Rain rain is coming down all over me I see it rain rain coming down rain rain its pouring down rain rain its coming down all over me
28 June 2007
27 June 2007
22 June 2007
Ilsa Woolfe, portrayed by Nancy Berg, was alright, but I wouldn't want to have to go with her forever. She was really excited by the prospect of nuclear war, and made it plain to Prof. Groeteschele, ably played by Walter Matthau. He slapped her. I like that she liked nuclear war, I guess, but didn't really like that she was excited by something. If it was all she thought about, but like she didn't want to talk about it because she knew it wouldn't be worth it or something, it would be a lot more hot. She had pretty earrings though. It was scary to see a man slap a woman in a movie.
Col. Jack Grady (Ed Binns), was the pilot who dropped the bomb on Moscow despite the insistence of the President of the United States (Henry Fonda) and his wife (Janet Ward) that it was a mistake. It was a mistake, as the unidentified flying object entering the United States from the north was not an enemy bomber but only a malfunctioning commercial aircraft. A lot of computer problems happen, and whatever. It was cool seeing Grady refuse to listen to the President and his wife. Apparently after a certain point, the crew is supposed to disregard all verbal communication, as it could be the enemy in disguise. So he disregarded whatever, and its just, like the hugest awful tragedy ever. I'd have liked to talk to him sometimes, before that, but afterwards it would be too hard. Same with everybody else, everybody would probably be too sad.
16 June 2007
Watched Smooth Talk (1985) for the second time last night. I guess Laura Dern was 18 in that movie. She's a great actress. That movie is nothing but cringing. Everything is bad and is a clue that it will get worse. The last five minutes are the scariest I think. Its a good movie to watch though I don't think I liked it the first time I did and I guess most people never would.
I guess I'll try to listen to Nine Inch Nails. Gina Gionfriddo's Radcliffe, Shelley, Freud, Reznor in this month's Believer makes him like something. Essay weirdly failed to discuss most recent album save for a brief Reznor press release. Makes With Teeth sound cool, which is something I hadn't heard before. I don't know.
15 June 2007
In The Bedroom (2001) was OK. I liked how the murdered boy (Nick Stahl)'s parents (Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek) turned on each-other so hard after his murder. Their insults were unfounded and incredibly hurtful and it was interesting to watch. I liked the title fonts. I didn't like the title of the movie I don't think. When one of his friends was talking to Wilkinson about Stahl's girlfriend (Marissa Tomei)'s butt, I totally cringed. Um I liked one shot where it shows Wilkinson and Spacek's noses and how weird they are.
This is a cat that I haven't named. Mike called it Squeaks when it lived in his warehouse. I was calling it Shirley for a few minutes the other night, but I don't think it stuck. I don't know if I should call it anything. I don't think it notices if I call it things. I don't think it likes Zig very much. They just kind of shriek at each-other when I let them in the same place. But its good at litter boxes and eats and drinks and gets in the way when I'm trying to use the computer.
For the first time ever I wish I had read JT Leroy. Like before the article, so I could have an opinion now or like a memory of thinking it was whatever. I mean I guess I'll probably read the books now when it at some point becomes really convenient, just so I can think whatever. I mean I don't have to from all reports they're not great. I'm not sure.
14 June 2007
13 June 2007
08 June 2007
06 June 2007
I'm going to New Jersey tonight, I might not be back until later! I think a good visual for posts where I write about movies would be a photo of me watching the discussed movie.
05 June 2007
04 June 2007
01 June 2007
29 May 2007
25 May 2007
22 May 2007
20 May 2007
--Andrea Dworkin, quoting Ogden Nash in "Pornography: Men Possessing Women" (1981)
The original source is a poem published here.
Last night I had a pleasant dinner at a restaurant called Left Bank on 18th Street NW in the Adam's Morgan neighborhood of Washington, DC. I had an arugula salad (salty, plus had cheese that I don't think was mentioned in the menu; $7), a hot and sour soup (also salty; $6), and avocado sushi (fine, actually; $4). We sat down at around 7:30 as the first customers of the evening, and when we left an hour later it had reached perhaps half occupancy. I don't know it was fine. The drink list seemed kind of bad. There were two women there with really short skirts. I don't know anything else about them. My cousins Jesse and Chrissy ate too. They had chicken and tuna, respectively, which they each seemed to enjoy. I don't know enough about DC to have much of an opinion of it but it seemed like there weren't any "hipsters" there. That's an okay thing to say.